Hello Dear One!

Have you ever struggled with something desired and witnesses yourself engage in repeated moves of self sabotage, only to believe that you simply need to TRY HARDER??

Many of us believe that our will’s are at fault for unbecoming behavior in our efforts to get what we want, and are keen to slip into a less than comfortable hair shirt or heavy yoke in order to fight harder in the direction of our wishes.

As someone who has been very vocal about their wrestles with emotional eating being the fuel that has EARNED this vast understanding of how to NOT gain weight (or even lose it!) while struggling with the pull to use food as an emotional outlet – I HAVE NEWS FOR ALL.

COPING IS NOT CHANGING.

When we use food, or alcohol, or social media, or spending, or almost ANYTHING (and you can lump things like fixation on exercise, reading, tv watching…) – in order to help us manage a SUPREMELY uncomfortable feeling – we are COPING NOT CHANGING.

The reason why SOME of us turn to an addictive behavior (doesn’t mean you have to have a chemical dependency in order to use something in an addictive manner) stems from long ago.

When we were little we were DEPENDENT.

We couldn’t necessarily change our circumstances, even if we WANTED to.

When addiction is present in our lives (ie: out of control behavior that results in additional negative repercussions) it’s indicative that there were CIRCUMSTANCES that were beyond our control that compromised our feeling of well being.

When we were little we didn’t have the ability to make a different CHOICE, so we had to do something to COPE.

Beings can’t live with stress for any real length of time, so if you’re feeling it, something HAS to be done.

And truthfully managing our stress in the best way we knew how was not only SMART, but it was NECESSARY.

When a being feels emotional discomfort it tends to indicate that we need to do something different.

Emotional distress is a CRUCIAL part of our wiring that keeps us SAFE.

It’s information that is meant to be guidance that we act on.

The challenge that many adults face (myself included) is that due to our inability to CHANGE our circumstances long ago, we have come to associate PAIN with BEING the PROBLEM.

Versus PAIN INDICATING there IS a PROBLEM.

The fact that the pain we experienced when, “something was amiss”, wasn’t able to be acted upon and used for direction as how to change what we were presently living – we learned to associate the pain we felt with the END of the STORY.

And since beings can’t tolerate stress for any length of time, in order to give ourselves relief, we’ve been conditioned to GET AWAY FROM THE PAIN versus USE THE PAIN for the guidance it was designed to provide.

The final piece in this exposing equation is that those of us who grew up with this aspect in our childhood knew that we couldn’t change what was happening at that moment in time.

But like a baby elephant who’s been tied to a tender sapling and struggled with freeing herself – now that she is the adult who could rip that tree easily from the roots – she is still operating under the NOW FALSE pretense that she is powerless to her circumstances and therefore can NOT actually change the situation that ACTUALLY needs attention. 

Instead she wrestles with the behavior that provides temporary relief (AND OTHER PROBLEMS) instead of making a different choice around the element that is ACTUALLY the thorn in her side.

Holy. crap.

If that isn’t both mind blowing and soul freeing I don’t know what is.

So, if you find yourself wrestling with a behavior that you feel compelled to participate in, only to regret actions taken, and work to back paddle yet again to offset the damage done – please know you’re not alone, but also that THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM.

Pain has been labeled falsely as a negative, instead of the sound information and wisdom that it actually is.

So start THERE.

The truth is leaning INTO the discomfort instead of running away will help you to STOP RUNNING, and it will also give you access to the message needed in order to actually change what really needs changing.

I’m personally deep in the throes of learning more about addiction and the path out to freedom.

If you have a desire to understand more about this thinking, please check out the books I’ve gotten this from including, “The Anatomy of Loneliness”, and, “The Completion Process”, by Teal Swan.

And if you have a desire to learn more about a program that will be incorporating more and more of this understanding when people struggle with, “sticking with it”, please check out the Fat Burning Mastery program.

Also check out a series of Coaching and Training programs if you’re in need of more guidance with preventing injury or creating a shape you desire, or the Unbound Podcast that speaks to all things fitness, fat loss, and freedom related.

 

To getting you clearer on how the body works, and how to make it work for you.  

xox, M